No booze, No problem

90 days in

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90 days and I'm still sober. 92 to be exact. Alcohol and I have had a strong relationship since high school. In the past 32 years, I would have to say that only one of those years combined has it been sober and that includes my pregnancy. Almost every single day of my adult life I have had at least 4 alcoholic drinks. Mostly beer. I love beer.

I don't think I had/have a problem with alcohol. While it helped me do some pretty dumb things, some of them dangerous it isn't an addiction for me. I know alcoholics. For me, it's a habit and a gateway to a party. I like a good party and well we all know about habits, good or bad. What I am realizing is that I like feeling good and alcohol makes me feel bad. I've suffered some pretty shitty hangovers and every time I said I am going to quit. It also sends me into depression.

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Last year I was very depressed. So I let my doctor talk me into taking Wellbutrin and quitting alcohol. 100 days. I did it. I felt good but I planned on drinking again. I knew my end date and I knew I wanted to drink, so I did. Right back into the cycle. Feel shitty, feel shittier, depressed.

Then in September of last year, I decided it was time to get my shit together since I'm turning 50 and I do not want to age badly. I want to be in better shape than ever before in my life. It ended up taking me until January 1st to start. I jumped on the 75 hard bandwagon and haven't jumped off yet. I don't want to. All the other times I wanted to drink again, this time I don't and I'm not going to force it. I'm not saying I won't ever drink again but I'm not saying I will either which is new. I'll just eat a gummy and drink tonic and lime to have a good time.